Nasi Telur Sambal Bumbu Madura

Today, I turn 26. The rain has been falling since morning, carrying a quiet sadness with it. I was ready to leave for work and skip breakfast, but when the rain came, I stayed. A thought crossed my mind: why not make breakfast after all?

Breakfast was simple: leftover rice mixed with instant bumbu Madura and a bit of sambal, topped with a fried egg. It was nothing fancy, but to my surprise, it tasted incredible — way better than I expected.

Recently, I’ve been telling my boyfriend how no meal seems to satisfy me lately. Even dishes I normally love just haven’t hit the spot. It’s not that the food isn’t good — I can tell it’s good, but it doesn’t feel right, like something is missing. We’ve both started to wonder if it’s something in my heart, more than in my taste buds.

“Perhaps you’ve been hoping that food could fill the gap you feel, that it could somehow fix what’s been heavy inside. But of course, it never does,” he said.

This morning’s meal, though — it made me feel something. It was simple, cheap (even free!), and yet, it tasted really good. Was it because I had no expectations? Or maybe I just finally let myself enjoy it for what it was, without searching for more.

Maybe I’ve been too focused on what I don’t have and overlooked on what’s already here. All this time, I’ve been chasing some idea of what happiness should look like, without noticing the small joys waiting right in front of me.

Today is my 26th birthday, and it hasn’t been an easy road to get here. But today, I want to be a little kinder to myself.

I want to let things be as they are, and when happiness finds me, I want to welcome it, without hesitation.